the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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