there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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