and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
