pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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