Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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