Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
