I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
