Jerry, you need to find god
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
