Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
