I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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