While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
