I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
