tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
