Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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