Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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