I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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