Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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