She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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