I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
