please come you make the beer taste better
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
