the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
