Already got asked if we're dating
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
