I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
