Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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