I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
