he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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