please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
