a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
