I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
