you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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