you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
God, I missed his penis.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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