your thong is hanging out like whoa
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
