remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
