Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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