I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My dad is sitting where you rode me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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