Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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