So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
