Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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