Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
