I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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