I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
