When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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