first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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