sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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