those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
