Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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