So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
