Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I need water and some morals
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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