I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
