The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
