Im at strip club and am horny
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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