yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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