i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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