I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
