You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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