Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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