I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
