we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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