Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
