the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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