I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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