Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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