The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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