in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
