well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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