You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
