Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize