I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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