So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
