I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have fence marks all over my body
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
