I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
