how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize