My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
