Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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