Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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