Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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