Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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