was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize