It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
