I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
