And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
