Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
