I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want to make a zoo with you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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