So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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