Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
