i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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