i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize