my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
