Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
