We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
