He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
