So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
