I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
