Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
