Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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