It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
