It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
