i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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