We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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