whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
