So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
