They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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